Here Comes Goldilocks!

[Chris_Wendt]

Reprising from a few years back...

Goldilocks will be returning soon from Orlando, where she had gone for a short vacation. While visiting Disney World, she was offered a full-time job as a Character, namely, herself, which she thought would be fun to try. Imagine, getting paid for being yourself?

The gig was getting old after four months, lost most of its challenge. Over Spring Break she ran across Glenda, the Auditor from the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York who was standing on the line for the Tower of Terror.  Goldilocks spied Glenda first, came up behind her, tapped her smartly on the shoulder and said, "My, my, my...Glenda!"

"Goldilocks? Is that really YOU, dressed up as...Goldilocks...here in Disney World? Dang!"

"Yeah, it's me, bored to death of being...myself...all of the time! Great to see you...What are YOU doing here, at the Tower of Terror?"

"Oh, the Comptroller of the State of New York insists that all of his school district auditors take an annual sojourn to the Tower of Terror, you know, so we all become intimately familiar with terror and how to strike fear in the hearts of mortal school officials."

"Say, Glenda, I've been seriously thinking about returning North..."

"Not another word, Goldi...pack your bags tomorrow and on Saturday you can hitch a ride with me back North! We got some big going's-on that'll be happening up there any time now!"

I am not sure if Goldilocks and Glenda will actually be coming to the Old Suburban School District when they come North next week. I'll let you know right away if I spot either of them, or if I hear from them. I had spoken with Glenda not too long before she went down South, and I know she was all hyped-up over some gossip about who shot the sheriff. It was all like, if Bob admitted that HE shot the sheriff, but staunchly maintains "but I did not shoot the deputy", then there is still an unsolved mystery about who shot the deputy.

But did Bob actually shoot the sheriff, or anybody for that matter? (I have heard the sheriff is ALIVE and doing very well, thank you, up in the Farhampton school district. Well, if that really is the case, then perhaps the Deputy is also still alive, too?) Wouldn't it be cool if Goldi and Glenda launched an investigation and went to see the sheriff, the deputy, and some of the others who had wandered in-and-out the doors of the Old Suburban School District in the not too-distant past? I would love to hear what they may find out about who did what to whom, when, where, and why!

Yep, maybe the best or only way to deal with rumor-mongering is to let the TRUTH GENIE out of the bottle!

We'll see what happens.

Stay tuned!

Chris Wendt

[Chris_Wendt]

Goldilocks packed her bags on Thursday night, went to work at Disney World on Friday, and told her boss she would be leaving "after today". Her boss asked what prompted her to make that decision, and she explained she was tired of her job where she dressed up and acted like herself every day, day after day after day. He said he understood, but reminded her of her Employment Agreement and of her status and membership in the Disney Characters Guild. She needed to give two weeks notice and sign a bunch of forms which, under the terms of her Character Clause would prevent her from portraying herself anywhere outside of Disney World for two years.

"WHAT? I can't be myself outside of this theme park for TWO YEARS?"

That's right, and he showed her the highlighted paragraph in the Agreement which she had signed a couple of years ago. If she violated those terms, she could be detained and fined triple her salary for each day she would portray herself outside of the Park!

She immediately called Glenda, the auditor from the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York who was expecting to take Goldilocks up north on Saturday, to the Old Suburban School District. "HELP ME!!!!" she cried.

Glenda told her wait for her arrival before escalating this into a more perilous situation: "Keep your cool, Goldi....remember, Florida is a 'Stand-your-Ground' state, and if they think you are becoming dangerous they could let you have it!" Goldi assured Glenda that she would do nothing rash, and went out on the promenade to finish her shift just being herself. Glenda called the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York and asked to speak with her boss, the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York. "Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, this is the Comptroller of the State of New York speaking; how may I help you?"

"Oh, cut the crap, Tom... it's me, Glenda, and I have a problem!"

"What is it?"

"A difficulty, but that's not important...." and she related the situation confronting Goldilocks at her job in Disney.

"Well, that's very interesting, but that is also Florida, and I am the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, and I don't have any jurisdiction in Florida.".

"But there must be SOMETHING you can do, Tom? PLEASE!"

"Okay, I'll see what I can do and get back to you, Glen'."

"Thank you, Tom, and it's still G-L-E-N-D-A, not 'Glen'...I am a woman you know!"

DiNapoli tapped his finger of the red file sitting on top of his desk. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" he mused.
He asked his secretary to "Get (Walt Disney Company Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Robert) Bob Iger on the phone, right away; track him down if you have to!"

Can Tom DiNapoli, Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York save Goldilocks from a two-year sentence of not being able to be...her very own self?
Will Glenda and Goldilocks ever make it back up north, to the Old Suburban School District?

Stay tuned!

Chris Wendt

[Chris_Wendt]

(A very pleasant-sounding audible chime tones briefly....)

"Yes, Tink?"

"Mr. Iger, someone who claims to be the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York is on the phone, asking to speak with you, personally."

"New York? Couldn't you refer him to Finance?"

"I tried to, Mr. Iger, but he insisted on speaking directly with you."

"Okay, I'll take it from here, Tink..." (click) "Bob Iger speaking."

"Bob, its Tom Di..."

"Tom, you little ship! How are you, tough guy? When are you coming down to Disney World for a little golf? I hear your short game could use some work!"

"Not funny, Bob. I thought we had left all those short jokes behind us when we left Long Island."

"Sorry, Tom, I just wanted to break the ice after such a long time not speaking with you. I seem to remember you always had a good sense of humor."

"Bob, the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York does not get to keep a sense of humor; my job is all about being serious, now. Fun? That's your gig."

"Okay Tom, how can I help you?"

"I want to speak with you about Goldilocks."

"Did you say Goldilocks...as in The Three Bears, as in the character in my theme parks, Tom?"

"Well, yes and no, Bob. You may not be aware that you have the real-life Goldilocks working for you, as herself, in Disney World. I want to speak with you about the real person, Goldilocks."

"You're shipping me, right, Tom?"

"No, a good Comptroller never ships anybody, Bob. Goldilocks has been working, portraying herself, there, for a couple of years, and has tendered her resignation. But your talent manager is threatening her with reprisals and fines and estoppel if she does not give two week's notice or if she portrays herself outside of your park for two years."

"Well, Tom, that non-compete is standard contract language for all of our talent, and after all, this is Florida and this is my park, and you have no authority here, Tom."

"Correct, Bob, but while you were speaking just now, I penned a writ for all the financials of all the Disney Stores here in New York, and my secretary will be Tweeting about my investigation, here, as soon as I give her the thumbs-up!"

"Okay, hold-on, Tom...what is it, exactly, that you want me to do about Goldilocks?"

"Bob, I have a red folder on my desk which is a joint New York and Federal investigation about to launch here, and I want to use Goldilocks, the real one and in-character, to assist me and my Chief Auditor, Glenda Goodwitch. Would you tell your talent guy to release Goldilocks from both the non-compete and the two-week notice requirement, on the condition that she accompany Glenda Goodwitch forthwith to my office, which is the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, up north here, in Albany, the one that's in New York."

"Sure, sure Tom. anything for a fellow Long Islander!"

"Great, Bob. And I'll tear-up this writ for all the financials of all your New York stores just as soon as Goldilocks gets here with Glenda."

{Gulp} "Boy, Tom, you really don't fool around, do you?"

"Nope. Bye, Bob" (click).

(A very pleasant-sounding audible chime tones briefly....) "Yes, Mr Iger?"

"Tink, I am going down to Talent Management in H.R. Call over there and tell them to expect me, and to have the Goldilocks file ready for my review...
....and tell Gipetto not to make any trouble for Goldilocks in the meanwhile...got it?"

"Yes sir!"

Up in Albany, New York, in the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, Tom DiNapoli carefully opens the red folder on his desk and turns each page, in turn. He tears a piece of note paper from the pad labeled "From the Desk of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, and quickly pens: "For Glenda Goodwitch...."

It looks like Goldilocks will be heading north, at last! And soon!

Chris Wendt

[Chris_Wendt]

{A cell phone vibrates audibly} "Hi, Glenda...where are you?"

"I'm in Disney. How do I find you, Goldi?"

"Go to the Cindarella Castle. When you get there, go up to any of the characters and ask them to direct you to Talent Management; it's in the sub basement of the Castle."

"Got it...bye!"

(Glenda walks to the Castle, finds Goofy, asks how to get to Talent Management, and Goofy offers to escort her there...)

"Hello, are you looking for a character part here at Disney World?"

"No, I am looking for a character...Goldilocks...she asked me to meet here at Talent Management."

"Oh yes, she's in with Mr. Gepetto...I'll let her know you're here." "Mr. Gepetto? There is a woman here asking for Goldilocks....No, I didn't get it; hold on...."

"What is your name, Miss?"

"I am Glenda Goodwitch, an Auditor with the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York....here's my badge....an what is your name, please?"

"Right now my name is Miss Duck...Daisy Duck. Just a sec' please...Mr. Gepetto, her name is Glenda Goodwitch...and she has a badge...from New York!"

"Daisy, send Miss Goodwitch in to my office. And keep an eye out for Mr. Iger...he's coming down to see me."

"Yes, sir! Go right in through the door on the left, Miss Goodwitch."

"Thanks...." {Sound of badge holder folding up and going into handbag.... }

"Come right in. Miss Godwitch...Mr. Iger, our C.E.O. is on his way here to help us resolve this matter; won't you please have a seat while we're waiting?"

"I would like a few moments to confer with my...friend, Goldilocks, in private if we may?"

"Sure, I'll be in the anteroom unitl Mr. Iger arrives." {Sound of closing door....}

"What's...."

"Shhhhhh.... My boss called Iger and told him to straighten out this conumdrum. Iger will be right over. It's going to be alright, but there is a string attached."

"A String? What is it?"

"It's like a thread, but that's not important now. In order to get you out from under your non-compete and have the two-week notice requirement waived, you are going to have to agree to come with me up north, to Albany, New York and to be deputized by my boss, the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, and then help me and him with a 'Red Folder' investigation that we are about to launch."

"Will this be dangerous, Glenda?"

"I'd better let my boss answer that, because I don't know."

"Will I be paid, and how much?"

"Yes, of course. The rate will be determined under the NYS Prevailing Wage Law; you will get the union scale for spies and other clandestine operatives, and plenty of life insurance, too!"

"Oh, great....thanks a lot!"

{Sound of light rapping on the door, a pause; door opens from the anteroom}

"Ladies, I'd like you to meet Mr. Iger, the C.E.O. of Disney..."

"Bob Iger....How do you do, ladies?"

"Okay for the moment I suppose..."

"Well I am here to make sure everything works out to your complete satisfaction, Goldilocks...(turns to his right)...and you must be Glenda Woodwitch?"

"Yes, Mr. Iger...here's my badge..." {Flashes gold badge in open black leather badge holder}

"You won't be needing your badge here..."

"I know, but Tom DiNapoli, the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York insisted that I show it to you, so that you would know that I am for real...the genuine article so to speak, just like my friend here, Goldilocks is for real...also the genuine article."

"Certainly. We are going release Goldilocks from her non-compete agreement and waive the two week notice requirement for her resignation. We will be sorry to lose you, Goldilocks, and I personally want to let you know that, if you wish to return in the future, you will be welcomed back with open arms!"

"Great! May I go now?"

No, first there is a disclaimer for you to sign, and then I must ask Glenda Goodwitch to sign this voucher accepting responsibility to escort you up north to Albany New York and the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York.

{Sounds of shuffling papers, clicking ball-point pens, scribbling signatures, separating papers....}

"Okay, here are your respective copies of the signed disclaimer and the custody voucher; I have what I need, and now, you are both free to go!"

"Mr. Iger, sir? Just one more thing if you please...."

"Sure, just name it!"

"Can you get us into "A Small World" before we leave the park...you know, without having to wait on line? Oh, and we don't have any tickets?"

"Consider it done! Gepetto, please see to it!"

"Yessir, Mr. Iger!"

{'It's a small world after all...." chorus, refrain, ad nauseam....}

"As soon as the ride is over, Goldi, I have to call my boss and let him know that I have you in my custody; he is sure to instruct me to bring your straight to his office, the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, up in Albany."

"Say, Glenda...I really don't like this 'custody' thing; makes me feel like a prisoner."

"Oh, sorry Goldi, that is just official parlance which I have been programmed, er, I mean trained to say. Try not to let it bother you, but also, don't try to escape!"

{Gulp!}

(Monitoring the closed circuit cameras in the Magic Kingdom from far away Albany, up in New York, a smile crosses the face of Tom DiNapoli, as he slides the Red Folder into the brown leather briefcase handcuffed to his left arm.

{"Here comes Goldilocks...Here comes Goldilocks....!" The door to the office of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York clicks shut-and-locked for the night.}

Goldilocks and Glenda Goodwitch are now making their merry way back, up north.

Remain calm!

Chris Wendt

[Chris_Wendt]

{Car radio playing, Tina Turner rasping: "We Don't Need Another He-ro!"}

"Are we there yet, Glenda?"

"We just passed Yonkers, one of the Big Five Cities in New York, Goldi. Albany is another two hours...."

"Can you tell me, yet, why you need me to go with you to the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York?"

"Yes, I was authorized to disclose the nature of our mission as soon as we got on the Thruway of the State of New York; and here we are, so here goes...
Are you familiar with the song 'Who Sot the Sheriff'?"

"Sure...wasn't that a big hit by Trini Lopez and the Whiners?"

"No, silly, it was Bob...Bob Marley and the Whalers! He was from Jamaica, Mon, not Trinidad!"

"Glenda, as I have often maintained, I am a woman; so please don't call me 'man', or 'Mon'!"

"Sheesh, Godli, don't be so up-tight; but I am sorry."

"And another thing, Glenda, I don't think they had 'whaling' in Jamaica! Perhaps you meant 'Wailers'; Bob Marley and the W-a-i-l-e-r-s?"

"Alright, let's give the reader's a break. Goldi...you and I both know that Whalers and Wailers are homophones, AND while readers can see the different spellings, that is completely immaterial to our VERBAL discussion, here! Now, do you want to know more about our mission? Or just nit-pick with me over diction and typos?"

"No, go ahead...Bob Marley and his group of Jamaican men shot the sheriff, right?"

"See! That's part of the problem our mission will be dealing with! There is a BIG FAT RUMOR being spread by some gossips that it actually WAS BOB WHO SHOT THE SHERIFF! But two things didn't jive, or calypso, or Reggae, or whatever incongruous things do in Jamaica: although Bob sang the lyrics where the first person character admitted to shooting the sheriff, everyone knows that it was only a song lyric, BUT....since this BIG FAT RUMOR started circulating, Bob has not denied that it was actually he who did the deed! So there is probable cause to suspect him in the deaths of both the Sheriff and the Deputy, because even in the song lyric, nobody owns up to getting rid of the deputy!"

"Glenda, this sounds like a job for the homicide squad in Montego Bay or Negril, not something you or I or the Comptroller of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York should be digging into!"

"That's exactly what I said to Stumpy; Stumpy--that's my nickname for Tom DiNapoli since he was on the school board in Mineola--when I was the head cheerleader for the Track Team. He still is a short little ship!. But Stumpy then opened this red folder and ran through some mighty strange coincidences for me, involving a string of missing sheriffs and deputies, and coaches and an athletic director, a vice principal, and a couple of school business officials and three computer monitors, er, I mean computer mentors!"

"I'm confused, this sounds like a matter for the Schools Commish to look into, no?"

"Ordinarily, yes, but in reality, the Schools Commish never does much about stuff he investigates, and more importantly, the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York is an established vehicle for telling tales on this blog, here; that is also because the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York has done a yeoman's job of striking semi-permanent FEAR into the hearts of school board members and superintendents and school business officials all across the state! So, this has landed in our laps to solve!"

"What-ever! Are we there yet?"

"Another hour until we get there, Goldi. Be patient, please! There are a couple of leads and other persons of interest in this red file folder case. One is also a lawman, perhaps someone with an axe to grind with these sheriffs out of professional jealousy; he was once a friend of Bob, and the rumor mill suggests that, if Bob shot the first sheriff, but did not shoot the deputy, then it must have been this lawman, let's call him Bill (his mother did, unless he was misbehaving and then it a "WILLIAM!") who shot the deputy! It may actually make sense, from a rumor-mongering perspective, right?"

"If you say so...but not to my thinking, Glenda.  But what does any of this Bob and Bill and sheriffs and deputies crap have to do with ME...Goldilocks?  I am, after all, a Fairytale; pure make-a-believe!"

"Well. as luck would have it, Goldi, several of the key people who have strangely disappeared shared a significant feature in common with you; no, make that two significant features!

1. Blond hair, and...
2. They were all make-believe, so nobody gets in any real trouble, just a few good laughs, when the story is finally told!

Plus, in these stories on this particular blog, there is ofter a bear involved in some way, and we all know about your success with bears!

(Unbeknownst to Glenda or Goldilocks, the Rabbit Hole once again looms in their future, along with a nefarious specter from the past!)

{Car radio playing... the voice of Harry Bellafonte crooning: "Down the way, where the nights are gay, and the sun shines daily on the mountain top....';the scene cross-fades to the inner office of the Office of the Comptroller of the State of New York, who we find humming a Calypso melody, thinking to himself the lyrics, "Come Mista Tally Man, Tally Me Banana!"...and...fade to black}

Remain seated.

Chris Wendt